Just Because I Wear Dreads....

I've had my hair in dreadlocs for about a year and a half now and it has given me a window into how narrow-minded people can be. I've always secretly giggled at the misconceptions people have when they see me. Most of the people I've encountered generally have positive things to say; others have been far more ignorant. Some are just curious. Below are some of the misconceptions I face regularly:

a) I smoke weed or know where to get it. I've never smoked weed, much less a cigarette and the only drug dealer I know is my GP and Mr. Patel, the pharmacist at my local Shopper's Drug Mart.

b) I know everyone in the GTA who has dreadlokcs. "Do you know Marsha? She has hair just like yours!" No, I don't know Marsha and I'm pretty sure she has braids.

c) I'm an Earth Mother. I'm not a vegetarian, I don't have a PETA membership, I've never worn Birkenstocks and I love fashion and make-up!

d) I'm a Rastafarian. Yes I'm of Jamaican decent, but I'm the furthest thing from a Rasta. I'm grew up as, and continue to be a Evangelical Christian. That's complicated enough.

e) I'm totally cool. I'm THE biggest nerd you'll probably ever meet. The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack is on heavy rotation on my iPod.

So if you read this blog and you see me you'll have a far better idea of who I am and what I represent. My hair is only an extension of my personality- not a description of my character. If you want to know more about me, ask questions- don't assume. The only thing I ask is that you don't touch my hair.

Overrated Talent: Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez is one of the most overrated entertainers on the planet. By far. Punto final. Her dancing is mediocre at best; her singing voice is atrocious, and she hasn't had a good film role since Out of Sight. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Jennifer Lopez has been coasting on the success of her greatest asset. Her posterior.

Most of us became acquainted with Ms. Lopez's persistent mediocrity when she was a mere back-up dancer on the hit comedy show, In Living Color. When she realized she had exhausted her dancing talent she decided spread what little talent she had left into the film industry. I'll admit that she was pretty good as the slain Tejano singer, Selena. She was also half decent when she co-starred with George Clooney in Out of Sight. Sadly, her winning streak ended there. I haven't seen the woman in a decent movie since 1998.

Of course we cannot forget the J.Lo sound- I mean, even if we tried we wouldn't be able to. After the release of every blood-curdling recording we would all ask ourselves, when will she realize that she cannot sing? Well, I actually think she finally did realize that her vocal chops were lacking. She cut back on the warbling and decided to get into fashion. The horror! The horror!

Because Ms. Lopez is so tone deaf (both literally and figuratively) and self-absorbed, she decided- along with some other sadistic designer- that society couldn't get enough of her, so she created a clothing and fragrance line making it possible for everyone to look and even smell like her! The result? Some of the world's tackiest garb and stinkiest perfume; making even Britney Spears cringe. Yep, you now look and smell like the Bronx.

Many people will say that Jennifer Lopez is clearly talented because she is successful and popular, and that I'm being too harsh. But eating fried crickets with jasmine rice is popular in Thailand- does that make it right? Not necessarily. Talent is not forced or overdone. Jennifer Lopez, on the other hand, is forced and overdone. Talent should always speak for itself.

Pet Peeve #1: Wearing Open-toe Shoes During Winter

Okay, so I got to work today and shared an elevator with two women discussing Canadians' favourite topic- the weather. Both of them looked like they were dressed appropriately for the crisp March air and appeared to be quite warm, until one of them complained that her feet were cold. I looked down at her feet and low and behold there they were... the open-toe pump! She saw the look written all over her friend’s face and proclaimed proudly, ‘I just couldn’t resist’. I nearly screamed! I have been itching for weeks to discuss this topic but I was too afraid of offending the offenders. Enough is enough! This has been a huge pet peeve of mine for many, many years. Open-toe pumps and/or sandals are summer footwear- no ifs, ands or buts!!! No matter how many times you wear these shoes summer will not, I repeat NOT, hasten its footsteps. Accept the unfortunate geographical location of your residence with pride and dignity and cover up those tender tootsies! If you fit within the following criteria, you should NOT wear the aforementioned pump:

1. You live north of the 42nd parallel between October 15th & April 30th
2. There is little to no visible flora or fauna anywhere for miles
3. It is less than 18˚C, 65˚F
4.You are forced to wear wool, wool/cashmere, goose down, fur or leather due to inclement weather
5. There is snow, slush, sleet or freezing rain either falling from the sky or resting on the ground

Ladies, and maybe even gents, it is not okay to wear open-toe shoes during the height of the winter season. Yes, the new spring collection at Nine West is cute but that doesn’t mean you have to wear your new purchase right now! Wait a few months and then break them out. Don’t suffer frostbite or future rheumatoid arthritis for the sake of fashion- it’s just not worth it.

NATIONAL CRISIS ALERT: Prime Minister Stephen Harper Needs A New Haircut!

Folks, this has become a very real and serious problem. Our PM’s hair totally sucks and I’m not going to take it anymore! How does this country expect to be taken seriously when our Prime Minister looks like a member of both the Chess Club and the AV Squad? Now, I don’t like the guy at all, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel some compassion for him. I mean, look at him! He’s in desperate need of a make-over!

He needs ideas, people. Maybe he’d look good in a footballer’s haircut à la David Beckham circa 2003. Or maybe one of those super cool goth cuts that Adam Lambert of American Idol sports on the show. He might even consider shaving off all his hair, like the Skinheads. Lord knows he wouldn’t have to change his attitude much.

The haircut is only the tip of the iceberg. What about Stephen’s wardrobe? Okay, okay, the fuzzy sweater thing didn’t really work all that well during the election. I, for one, would have preferred that he stuck to a lovely spring palette of pastels, a silk ascot and those beautiful velvet slippers... with the crests on top- but what’s the use crying over spilt milk? I say he go for the gusto- skinny jeans, a vintage Lacoste sweater vest and Nappa leather pointed dress shoes (of the Prada variety).

Our Prime Minister needs our help, my fellow Canadians! Please send in your ideas with pictures so we can start this revolution, already. Our country is depending on you!