Hot Mess Alert!: Obsessed

This weekend I saw Obsessed starring Beyoncé Knowles and the very lovely Idris Elba. The movie was one big, royal stinker to put it mildly! I really went to see the film under duress as my brother was not particularly interested in seeing The Soloist- the movie I really wanted to see. I have to admit that I came into the film with predjudices- mainly, my disdain for Beyoncé’s thespian prowess and her penchant for implausible hair weaves- but I decided that I would sit and keep my nachos and cheese down through the 90 or so minutes.

I really hate it when filmmakers assume that their audience is dumb, and that’s how this filmmaker made me feel. This is not an attempt to sound like one of those self-righteous, artsy-fartsy windbag film goers, but there are certain things that anyone with an IQ above 75 should be able to criticize. For example (excuse the spoilers):

1. I find it very unlikely that in real life a guy like Idris Elba's character would resist the aggressive advances of Ali Larter's character. I'm not saying that there aren't any decent guys out there that would reject a woman like this. What I'm saying is had Elba's character expressed an interest in Larter, the story would have been far more plausible... and interesting.

2. Why was Beyoncé's character so jealous of her husband's administrative assistant? When she first heard that her husband had gotten a female temp, she told him to get rid of her immediately-- before even meeting her! Did her husband have a wandering eye? Had he cheated before? None of this was explained. It just made Beyoncé's character seem just as mentally unstable as her nemisis.

3. I didn't like the fact that Beyoncé's stay-at-home-mom character was perpetually bored and wanting something to do. The film went out of its way to show that her husband gave her an allowance and that she was worried about how he would feel if she went back to school. Um... is this 2009 or 1949? What kind of man under the age of 40 would have a problem with their spouse going back to school to better themselves? Later on in the film Beyoncé's character kicks her husband out of the house when she suspects him of cheating on her. "Get out of my house!!!", I believe were her exact words. Your house? You don't even pay for it. You receive an allowance!!! During this scene, my brother and a few of my friends started laughing. This scene wasn't meant to be funny. But I digress....

Anyway, I don't recommend Obsessed to anyone. Unless they love to laugh. Or they enjoy watching Idris Elba... (sigh)

Breaking News: Robert Pattinson Stinks!

Apparently, the brooding heartthrob Robert Pattinson a.k.a. Edward Cullen of the Twilight motion picture, has an aversion to Lever 2000. Big surprise. He does have a certain Peppy LePew look to him. Some of his co-stars stated that he only bathes when he feels it's absolutely necessary. Um....... isn't bathing always necessary? At least that's what my mother always told me. "Cleanliness is next to Godliness", she used to say. Maybe Robert is an atheist...

Overrated Talent: Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez is one of the most overrated entertainers on the planet. By far. Punto final. Her dancing is mediocre at best; her singing voice is atrocious, and she hasn't had a good film role since Out of Sight. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Jennifer Lopez has been coasting on the success of her greatest asset. Her posterior.

Most of us became acquainted with Ms. Lopez's persistent mediocrity when she was a mere back-up dancer on the hit comedy show, In Living Color. When she realized she had exhausted her dancing talent she decided spread what little talent she had left into the film industry. I'll admit that she was pretty good as the slain Tejano singer, Selena. She was also half decent when she co-starred with George Clooney in Out of Sight. Sadly, her winning streak ended there. I haven't seen the woman in a decent movie since 1998.

Of course we cannot forget the J.Lo sound- I mean, even if we tried we wouldn't be able to. After the release of every blood-curdling recording we would all ask ourselves, when will she realize that she cannot sing? Well, I actually think she finally did realize that her vocal chops were lacking. She cut back on the warbling and decided to get into fashion. The horror! The horror!

Because Ms. Lopez is so tone deaf (both literally and figuratively) and self-absorbed, she decided- along with some other sadistic designer- that society couldn't get enough of her, so she created a clothing and fragrance line making it possible for everyone to look and even smell like her! The result? Some of the world's tackiest garb and stinkiest perfume; making even Britney Spears cringe. Yep, you now look and smell like the Bronx.

Many people will say that Jennifer Lopez is clearly talented because she is successful and popular, and that I'm being too harsh. But eating fried crickets with jasmine rice is popular in Thailand- does that make it right? Not necessarily. Talent is not forced or overdone. Jennifer Lopez, on the other hand, is forced and overdone. Talent should always speak for itself.

Tyler Perry: Why I’m Ashamed of Him

Very little irks me more than racial stereotypes. Scratch that. Nothing irks me more than racial stereotypes portrayed in the media and/or film. I’ve sat through many conversations during school and/or work that have been somewhat offensive, but I’ve given many people the benefit of the doubt due to, what I’m assuming is their ignorance. But sometimes people in film, television and the media make things very difficult for me and other people of colour when they portray us as goofy, scandalous, dumb, dysfunctional, shiftless, loud, obnoxious and sometimes, bitter. For me, Tyler Perry is definitely one of those people.

Tyler Perry is the man behind the multi-million dollar Madea/House of Payne franchise or as I like to call it, the Shuck ‘n’ Jive franchise. Tyler Perry has done nothing to advance the image of Black people anywhere. I’ve had so many arguments…er- conversations with many of my friends about Mr. Perry’s films. The ones who disagree with me usually sight the fact that Tyler Perry’s films are the only wholesome films about Black people being produced as their reason for supporting his body of work. While this may be true, the fact that Mr. Perry’s films are wholesome isn't reason enough for me to support his projects.

I also think that Tyler Perry’s most egregious offence is the fact that he exploits African-American stereotypes and of course, he should know better. Have any of you watched any of his films? They’re a disgrace! The characters are two dimensional; the plots are implausible and silly and every film has the same tired, trifling characters with different names. It makes me cringe anytime a person of another race says they laughed their head off during one of his films. I usually want to curl up into the fetal position when they start imitating characters from his films or television thinking I'll laugh with them too.

I want to see a Black film maker make films about Blacks who are smart, upwardly mobile, professional, deep, moral and stable. I'm tired of seeing films that don't reflect the reality I'm living or that my friends are living. I don't doubt that Tyler Perry's original intentions were good. His own personal story is quite compelling. But I don't appreciate his cheapening and trivialization of the Black experience or his lack of interest in the many varieties of Black people that, I'm sure, surround him. He has such a major platform to breakdown barrier and stereotypes and yet he continues to squander it.

This is why I'm ashamed of Tyler Perry and the reason why I refuse to support any of his films.