Uh, this is one you'll have to see to believe. Former Secretary of State under the Bush Administration, Condoleeza Rice at a Q & A this week at Stanford University was grilled by students on the subject of waterboarding. Her answer is just as shocking as the torture methods themselves. She basically concludes that since the President authorized it, it was perfectly legal. Sound familiar? Yeah, that's because impeached President Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon said the same thing when he was asked about the Watergate scandal in the 1970's. Hmmm... I didn't realize that the US was under a dictatorship for 8 years...
Watch Condi try to rationalize her psychotic decision making under President Bushie:
Watch former President Nixon use the same rationale for his criminal behaviour:
Watch how President Obama describes waterboarding:
So here's the 60 million dollar question: Where on God's green earth is George W. Bush?
I'm beginning to think that American Idol is rigged. How many of you really believed that Eddie Munster... er.... Adam Lampert really received the second lowest tally of votes? The AI producers must have tried to throw in a plot twist in order retain viewers. Anyway, my boy Matt is gone. I'm sure he saw that coming. Next up, Kris Allen (although I'm sure it will be Allison Iraheta)!
I have a love/hate relationship with the city of Barcelona. I love the city itself and what it has to offer, but I'm not crazy about the people. Nevertheless, Barcelona-- affectionally known as the BCN, is somewhere you must visit before you die.
My first encounter with Barcelona was in the summer of 2003. I decided to travel there on a whim with my cousin for a few days. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and wished that I had had the time to explore more of the city. The weather was wonderful-- 28° - 32° Celsius, sunny and dry with a beautiful Mediterranean sea breeze everyday! The famous Gaudí architecture was evident in almost every neighbourhood and the city was incredibly easy navigate-- even by Canadian standards-- and very scenic. My cousin and I (maybe me more than my cousin) had a field day shopping. I believe that Barcelona has some of the best shopping in Europe by a mile. Leather goods are very reasonable and shoes and clothing are one of a kind (this is where I began my love affair with Zara and Mango-- both stores are native to Barcelona).
There was plenty to see in Barcelona as well. As I mentioned before, Barcelona is an architect's dream. Parc Güell, La Pedrera, Casa Botlló and La Sagrada Familia are places to get your art history jollies. If you like the beach you could always go to the Barceloneta or drive a few miles to the resort town of Sitges to work on your tan. There was no shortage of concerts, plays, street theatre and movies to go to. If you're into clubbing and dancing you'd be exhausted at the variety of places to kick up a leg. And of course if you're a soccer fan, you would be in heaven watching the famed and hallowed FC Barça play the game live before your eyes!
The second time I was in Barcelona was when I was attending the Universitat Autónoma de Barcelona. It was at this time that I realized how different it is to see a city through eyes of a tourist versus the jaded eyes of a resident. While food and clothing is quite reasonable in Barcelona, real estate is not. Very few people in the BCN actually own any property because it is so expensive. A very small bachelor's apartment in Barri Gótic-- a chic, up and coming neighbourhood-- can easily run you about €900 (CDN $1440) per month. Another thing that became somewhat of a nuisance was the fact that many people in Barcelona speak Catalán and refuse to speak Castellano (standard Spanish). Catalán is a language closely related to Provençal, a dialect of old French that was spoken in Southern France, mixed with Spanish. I can't say that I was particularly crazy about the native Catalonian cuisine either. Much of it was bland and they tend to eat a lot of seafood, which I tend to avoid (octopuss anyone?). Barcelona has a bit of a gypsy problem. Barcelonians don't treat them well. You're constantly seeing restaurant and shop owners shooing them away as if they were vermin. Many of the older generation of Barcelonians are still getting used to the idea of immigrants and immigration. I noticed that anytime there was a petty crime committed or the influence of North America crept into the consumers market, it was inexplicably blamed on the immigrants-- specifically Moroccans and/or South/Central Americans.
Despite many of its pros and a few of its cons, Barcelona is a must visit city. I just wouldn't live there.
Does anyone remember this song? I think Paul Simon's Graceland was one of the greatest pop albums of the the 80's and You Can Call Me Al was one its best songs. I still have no idea what this song is about but it's soooo fun to listen and dance to. I still remember hearing this on the radio whilst getting ready for school. Good memories, good times and Tootsie Roll Lolipops!
Here's a video of Paul Simon singing You Can Call Me Al in 1987 live in Harare, Zimbabwe. Enjoy!:
My tears dried and my mourning period for Anoop and Lil now over, here are my reviews of the remaining AI8 contestants:
Kris Allen: Not bad. Still not sold on him though. What was up with Cowell's commentary?
Allison Iraheta: This girl can sing! However, I don't think that this performance will be enough to keep her in the final three. She may be in trouble tonight.
Matt Giraud: Good performance, but not good enough. I had to agree with Randy and Kara on this one. He had some pitch problems and I think on stage, he's the least comfortable of the remaining contestants. I actually think it was a mistake for the judges to save Matt a couple of weeks ago. I'm almost certain Matt will be going home tonight.
Danny Gokey: Danny gave the performance of his life last night!!!! This was, hands down, my favourite performance of the evening and perhaps the best performance of the last few weeks. With this, Danny has secured his spot in the final 3. It doesn't even matter if he loses AI-- he'll definitely get a record deal.
Adam Lampert: Can't stand him, can't stand him, can't stand him! His voice is a dash of Steve Tyler, Axel Rose and Broadway showtunes-- which wouldn't be bad... if it was 1988. All Adam is missing is the big arena rock hair. Certainly not the kind of vocalist I'd invest $20 into. But what do I know? People in greasy spoon diners and generic malls all across America seem to be quite taken with the fella. He IS the 8th American Idol-- all the other contestants are just his opening act. Did I mention that I can't stand him?
This weekend I saw Obsessed starring Beyoncé Knowles and the very lovely Idris Elba. The movie was one big, royal stinker to put it mildly! I really went to see the film under duress as my brother was not particularly interested in seeing The Soloist- the movie I really wanted to see. I have to admit that I came into the film with predjudices- mainly, my disdain for Beyoncé’s thespian prowess and her penchant for implausible hair weaves- but I decided that I would sit and keep my nachos and cheese down through the 90 or so minutes.
I really hate it when filmmakers assume that their audience is dumb, and that’s how this filmmaker made me feel. This is not an attempt to sound like one of those self-righteous, artsy-fartsy windbag film goers, but there are certain things that anyone with an IQ above 75 should be able to criticize. For example (excuse the spoilers):
1. I find it very unlikely that in real life a guy like Idris Elba's character would resist the aggressive advances of Ali Larter's character. I'm not saying that there aren't any decent guys out there that would reject a woman like this. What I'm saying is had Elba's character expressed an interest in Larter, the story would have been far more plausible... and interesting.
2. Why was Beyoncé's character so jealous of her husband's administrative assistant? When she first heard that her husband had gotten a female temp, she told him to get rid of her immediately-- before even meeting her! Did her husband have a wandering eye? Had he cheated before? None of this was explained. It just made Beyoncé's character seem just as mentally unstable as her nemisis.
3. I didn't like the fact that Beyoncé's stay-at-home-mom character was perpetually bored and wanting something to do. The film went out of its way to show that her husband gave her an allowance and that she was worried about how he would feel if she went back to school. Um... is this 2009 or 1949? What kind of man under the age of 40 would have a problem with their spouse going back to school to better themselves? Later on in the film Beyoncé's character kicks her husband out of the house when she suspects him of cheating on her. "Get out of my house!!!", I believe were her exact words. Your house? You don't even pay for it. You receive an allowance!!! During this scene, my brother and a few of my friends started laughing. This scene wasn't meant to be funny. But I digress....
Anyway, I don't recommend Obsessed to anyone. Unless they love to laugh. Or they enjoy watching Idris Elba... (sigh)
Our Prime Minister is apparently on a rampage to prove how big a fool he truly is. Today the Canadian Supreme Court ruled that Stephen Harper should pressure the US government to have Guantanamo detainee, Omar Khadr returned to Canada. Iggy and perpetual deer-in-headlight looking Gilles Duceppe have written letters to both Barack Obama and Stephen Harper urging them to bring Khadr back to Canada. Khadr was accused of throwing a hand grenade and killing a US soldier in Afghanistan in 2002. Khadr has yet to be prosecuted for this crime. He was 15 years old at the time.
Now, whether or not one thinks Khadr is terrorist is irrelevant to the argument. Omar was a child at the time of his arrest and come to think of it there are a lot of child soldiers around the world who could be placed in the same boat as Mr. Khadr. Would we prosecute them as war criminals and detain them for years on end without charge? Probably not, but I digress... The fact is Stephen Harper has a responsibility to bring Canadian citizen back to Canada to face the justice our soil. Why would he appeal the decision made by the Canadian Supreme Court? What does he have to gain from delaying what is clearly inevitable?
I hope every Canadian citizen reading this realizes how embarassing Mr. Harper is as a head of state for this country. For the first time in my lifetime I have felt ashamed to be a Canadian. I've never considered this country a utopia, but I know that I am most fortunate to live here. The twice-elected Harper government has made me question Canadian values and the thinking of many of its citizens. I hope people realize that our current Prime Minister cares very little about Canada's image as well as what it used to represent. Yes, folks-- Harper only cares about himself and his political career and is willing to sacrifice his own country's image for his personal gain. Remember that the next time you enter an election booth.
I really hate this guy. No, really-- I HATE him. I've never met him nor have I ever seen him in any interviews, but he really sticks in my craw. I just don't understand him or his appeal. I have been wondering for years now how this guy became famous. His voice is not particularly good, but for some reason people (usually grandmothers and the dreaded cat ladies) swoon with every note he sings. To me, he sounds like those guys who sang in the school choir at Kiwanis Music Festivals. He also looks like he could use a good and thorough bath-- preferably with a good 'ole bar of Irish Spring and a bottle of Dettol-- and a nice haircut.
All image issues aside, Josh Groban's music totally sucks. His sappy, pseudo-operatic ballads make me want to grit my teeth and incite violence. I am hoping that Mr. Groban retires from the music business and puts clear thinking human beings and dogs out their misery. For the love of God and all things lovely he must hang up his mic. Because if I hear You Raise Me Up one more time, I'm slitting my wrists!
Last week a friend of mine sent me some of the most wretched photos I have ever seen. The photos were of a wedding that took place in England between a 17 year old girl and an 18 year old boy. I am not a fan of the whole teenage wedding fad, but this was not the most disturbing thing about the photo. This young lady, who I'm assuming is mentally disturbed, was wearing a crop-top-mini-skirt-crystal-bejeweled wedding gown that was so tacky, I was considering the possibility of turning her in for crimes against humanity. The article accompanying the photo stated that her father spent nearly $200,000 on his daughter's over the top wedding. This is when I felt the hot bile begin to creep into my throat.
I think weddings should be a beautiful and personal affair. I will not dictate to people what they should wear or exactly how much they should spend. However, $200,000 for a wedding between two lower middle class teenagers is NOT sane. This bride's father apparently paves driveways for a living and the family lives in a trailer. Spending this kind of money on one day is just plain disgusting and I will even go as far as to say that irresponsible behaviour like this is what contributed to the global financial crisis.
When I attend large grandiose weddings I never sit and think, "Wow! Look at all the money they spent! This couple is gonna live happily ever after!". My usually thoughts are, "They spent all this money and I didn't even get a full plate of food! What a bunch of twits!" A good wedding is measured on how much fun the invitees have-- the atmosphere, friendship, the music, the jokes-- not how much money your doled out for your craptacular bouquet. Why go into debt for one day that most people will either criticize or forget? Spend your money wisely and make it a day no one will ever forget... for a good reason!
So, the big topic of discussion south of the border is whether or not Dick Cheney et al. should be prosecuted for war crimes due their love affair with torture tactics. This story makes my blood boil! I have to admit that I am not quite sure why this is being debated. There are no grey areas. Torture is ILLEGAL. It is illegal in the United States and more importantly, it is deemed illegal acording to International Law. Why George, Dick, Rummy, Condi and the other village idiot-- Alberto "Gonzo" Gonzalez, were unwilling to recognize this, is beyond my earthly comprehension (although I'm pretty sure Lucifer and his cast of demons in hell would be able to answer my question). We were all aware that the Bush Administration was one of the most incompetent in recent memory, but with the release of these torture memos we are now certain of its deviance.
The US has always touted itself as the moral authority of the world-- a title they do not deserve, let alone any other country for that matter. They have called out other countries for crimes against humanity (i.e. China) and called for the prosecution of despot leaders (i.e. Mugabe, Al-Bashir). Why shouldn't this same appetite for justice apply to the United States of America? The US executed Japanese soldiers after World War II for committing the very same acts of torture that US senior officials are now being accused of. Why are certain politicians refusing to admit that this is the same thing? Yes, 9/11 was a horrific tragedy and those responsible for the murder of 3,000 innocent people should be brought to justice. However, this was not license to abandon all laws for the sake of revenge. The excuse has also been given that government needed to use these tactics in order acquire 'high value information'. Would this information have included the whereabouts of one Mr. Bin Laden and/or the notorious Weapons of Mass Destruction? If not, the info that was received was about as valuable as a fake Gucci bag. Sorry, we're not buying.
If Obama's Attorney General, Eric Holder is smart, he'll prosecute these gangsters. If he doesn't, the International Criminal Court in The Hague should be put on notice. The world is watching and it wants the US to be held to the same standard as everyone else.
Watch Liz Cheney (Dick's daughter--- poor thing) try and justify her father's torture tactics:
Oh no!!! My favourite contestants got kicked off. Unfortunately, they deserved it. Oh well-- they'll go on tour. The next possibility for elimination is either Alison Iraheta or Danny Gokey. Eddy Munster is going to take it all.
So I went for my first dental appointment with my new dentist this afternoon. My old dentist, a family friend, is now retired so I had to take my mouth elsewhere. I can't say that I'm the biggest fan of the 'Mouth Doctor', but I've never had any traumatic experiences with them, so whatevs, right? Little did I know what I was in for.
My new dentist seemed like a nice enough guy (although his assistant's personality could have definitely used a mild exfoliant). He was friendly and warm. I had a good feeling about the guy until I noticed that he kept saying under his breath, "MD 3.7 decay" after touching each tooth with one of his little weapons. Huh?What the crack is that? When the examination was done, he smiled-- a smile that I now believe was sinister-- and basically told me that mouth was in worse shape than Afghanistan. His assistant was still wearing her little mask so I couldn't tell if she was laughing or not. Yes folks- I was the victim of the classic bate 'n' fake.
How could this be? Okay, okay, sure I hadn't been to the dentist in a really long time (waaaay too long), but my teeth look okay so I was definitely in a state of total and utter shock. When he mentioned that I would need a deep gum therapy (apparently gums need to be sent to the spa on occasion for Prozac, microdermabrasion and a seaweed wrap) and possibly braces, I started to wonder-- is my dentist a two-bit hustler? Do I really need these things or is the entire dental industry the equivalent of a guy selling fake Louis Vuitton bags on Orfus Rd.?
If I go back to the dentist and he starts pulling random teeth and asking me "Is it safe?", I'm calling the police.
Matt Giraud gets saved!!!! The judges get it right. Two will be eliminated next week. Here's hoping Eddie Munster/Axel Rose and Kris Allen have their luggage on stand by.
Kris Allen: Totally boring. He's like those annoying boys you would see in the hallways in high school strumming at their guitars in hopes of appearing "deep". They weren't and Kris most certainly isn't.
Anoop Desai: I really like Anoop and I think he's a very underrated as a singer. He was quite good last night, but again, he'll be in the bottom three. The US is just not ready for the Brown Brian McKnight.
Adam Lambert: Eddie Munster gets on my last nerve. Can we kick this guy off already and cast him in the Vegas revival of We Will Rock you? He's so camp people will be dressing as him next Halloween. Again, he'll probably win the show.
Matt Giraud: This is another underrated talent. I believe most of his problems stem from nerves and a lack of confidence. I think he has the potential to be just as good as Justin Timberlake (minus the dance moves) if not better. I hope America gives him a chance. They probably won't.
Lil Rounds: Lil Rounds is making me angry. This is the kind of girl who should have this competition in the bag. I have a feeling she doesn't understand herself and she is spending far too much time acquiescing to the judges every whim whilst becoming confused. Stick to your guns Lil or your gonna go home... fast!
Allison Iraheta: Love Allison, but she needs to do something with her look. Her voice is amazing, but she might be in danger.
Danny Gokey: Danny wasn't so hot last night and his performances are becoming a little detached. He may be in trouble in tonight's elimination. He'll definitely get a record deal with a gospel label even if he loses.
BTW, how many of you think Judge Kara will be back next season? I certainly don't!
I refuse to believe that this is R & B crooner Jon B.'s wife. Maybe his auntie or cousin or maybe even his geography tutor, but not his wife. Gadzooks!
I am fully convinced that our Prime Minister is Dr. Claw. Why else would a grown man be posing in so many photographs with poor, defenceless kittens? You know what this means? Michael Ignatieff is Inspector Gadget.
If you thought George Bush was a raging idiot and the embodiment of the stereotypical American, you haven’t heard of Silvio Berlusconi. Silvio is George's brother from an Italian mother. He personifies every negative stereotype North Americans have about Italian men that you can almost see the gold chain and chest hair and smell the overpowering cologne. He is such a wealth of comedic material, he alone could keep Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Bill Maher in business for another 10 seasons. Here’s a list of his some of his major offenses:
1. He’s allegedly linked to the Mafia (Think of Tony Soprano running Canada. Foggedaboutit!) . 2. Called Mussolini “a benign dictator who didn’t kill his opponents- he just sent them on holiday”. Right. And Stalin was just misunderstood. 3. He held the 2005 European Food Safety Authority meeting in Italy instead of Finland because “the Finnish don’t know what prosciutto is”. 4. He told Wall Street investors to invest in Italy because Italy “has the most beautiful secretaries in the world”. 5. He claimed that “communists used to eat children” and defended this comment by explaining that “in Communist China children were boiled and their carcasses were used to fertilize fields”. 6. He stated that diplomatic relations between Russia and the US would improve with Obama as the new President of the United States because “Obama is young, tanned and handsome”. 7. He played hide-and-go-seek at an official visit with the German Chancellor, Angela Merkel. She wasn’t amused. 8. He decided to put thousands of police officers on the streets of major Italian cities to lower the crime rate. He told a journalist that “there would be enough police to avoid the risk of rape [to women]. They would need as many police officers as beautiful women because Italy has so many beautiful women”. 9. He ticks off most of his constituents on a remarkably regular basis.
There’s a lot more, but I’m pretty sure you’re having difficulty keeping your food down. Two days ago Italy suffered a devastating earthquake in the city of L’Aquila. The death toll has surpassed 250 and there are thousands who are injured. Many survivors have had to set up “tent cities” as their homes are no longer fit to live in. Prime Minister Berlusconi visited one of those tent cities and told the people to “pretend you are camping for the weekend”. Um... WHAT?! Needless to say, Mr. Berlusconi has a serious case of foot-in-mouth disease making him totally deserving of this week’s Emperor of Whackness title. All hail!
Here's video of Emperor Berlusconi behaving like a sizzling hot mess:
I've had my hair in dreadlocs for about a year and a half now and it has given me a window into how narrow-minded people can be. I've always secretly giggled at the misconceptions people have when they see me. Most of the people I've encountered generally have positive things to say; others have been far more ignorant. Some are just curious. Below are some of the misconceptions I face regularly:
a) I smoke weed or know where to get it. I've never smoked weed, much less a cigarette and the only drug dealer I know is my GP and Mr. Patel, the pharmacist at my local Shopper's Drug Mart.
b) I know everyone in the GTA who has dreadlokcs. "Do you know Marsha? She has hair just like yours!" No, I don't know Marsha and I'm pretty sure she has braids.
c) I'm an Earth Mother. I'm not a vegetarian, I don't have a PETA membership, I've never worn Birkenstocks and I love fashion and make-up!
d) I'm a Rastafarian. Yes I'm of Jamaican decent, but I'm the furthest thing from a Rasta. I'm grew up as, and continue to be a Evangelical Christian. That's complicated enough.
e) I'm totally cool. I'm THE biggest nerd you'll probably ever meet. The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack is on heavy rotation on my iPod.
So if you read this blog and you see me you'll have a far better idea of who I am and what I represent. My hair is only an extension of my personality- not a description of my character. If you want to know more about me, ask questions- don't assume. The only thing I ask is that you don't touch my hair.
Apparently, the brooding heartthrob Robert Pattinson a.k.a. Edward Cullen of the Twilight motion picture, has an aversion to Lever 2000. Big surprise. He does have a certain Peppy LePew look to him. Some of his co-stars stated that he only bathes when he feels it's absolutely necessary. Um....... isn't bathing always necessary? At least that's what my mother always told me. "Cleanliness is next to Godliness", she used to say. Maybe Robert is an atheist...
Danny Gokey: I love Danny! He reminds me of the singers I grew up with in church. However, up until a few weeks ago, I thought he totally had this competition in the bag. He'll be in the top 5, but I don't think he'll win it.
Kris Allen: He was o.k. I'm not feeling his Frosh Week vibe, but he'll be safe because girls in training bras think he's a hottie.
Lil Rounds: What happened to my friend Lil? She was at the top of the pack in the beginning and then she started wearing those wigs and her talent disappeared. I'm worried that she'll be in the bottom three tomorrow.
Anoop Desai: The performance was great and just in time. Had he not performed well tonight he would have been eliminated.
Scott McIntyre: Scott is starting to remind me of a really bad version of Peter Cetera circa 1984. He was tolerable when he was around the piano, but when he picked up that darn Fisher-Price guitar, I left the room. Time to stop the sympathy vote and send Scott back to Arizona.
Allison Iraheta: I lurve Allison's and I think she's got one of the best and most marketable voices and images in the competition. I didn't understand what the judges were talking about when they criticized the fact that she didn't talk enough. She'll be safe tomorrow.
Matt Giraud: Anyone taking on The Great One a.k.a. Stevie Wonder has cajones. Mr. Giraud's rendition of Part-time Lover was the shiznit! Matt threw down tonight! If he gets put in the bottom three tomorrow (which I feel might happen because people are dumb) all Americans should be forced into detox.
Adam Lambert: Yep, Eddie Munster will win American Idol. Unless he loses his voice or commits a felony between now and the end of May. His performance was amazing... and that's saying a lot because I don't even like the guy!
Kim Burrell is probably my favourite vocalist of all time. Hands down. No question. The first time I heard her voice was about 14 years ago on a gospel album where she was a featured soloist. I was hooked right away and began my quest to find anything else with a recording of that voice. It pains me greatly to know that so few have ever heard of this virtuoso. It's also too bad that the fortunate few who have heard of Ms. Burrell are unaware of the breadth of her talent and skills as a musician. Kim Burrell is one of those rare musicians who are in a class of their own.
Kim Burrell was born in Houston, Texas to evangelical minister parents (Church of God in Christ). She sang and played the piano in church all her life and was finally signed to a small, independent record label in her hometown in the mid-nineties. Ms. Burrell’s signature sound is a mixture of gospel music and jazz. Her voice is immediately identifiable and what’s more, she composes most of her own music. Most of her fans are unaware that she plays the piano just as well as she sings- making her talent even more mind-blowing! Her most famous album is Everlasting Life and it’s nothing short of a masterpiece. I believe that it is one of the most complete and satisfying albums I have ever purchased.
Being that Kim Burrell is in the gospel music industry, it is difficult for her to be recognized in the mainstream and as a result, many of you may not be interested in hearing anything further, and that is a shame because the genre of music is beside the point. Kim Burrell is simply a genius muscian and should be appreciated regardless of the genre of music. She is sighted by many well respected secular musicians and vocalists as one of the top voices in the music industry today. Harry Connick Jr., Chaka Khan, Beyoncé Knowles, Faith Evans and Mariah Carey have all listed Kim Burrell as one of their top musical influences. In fact, I attended her concert last year in Toronto and was very surprised to see a well known Torontonian jazz musician in attendance. When I asked him what he was doing at a gospel concert he replied, “To hear Kim Burrell of course!”
Albums released to date: Try Me Again, 1995 Everlasting Life, 1998 Live in Concert, 2001 No Ways Tired, 2009
My Favourite Songs:I’ll Keep Holding On, Over and Over Again, Kim’s Request, Prodigal Son, I Come to You More Than I Give, Since Jesus Came In, Calvary, Try Me Again, Victory
Just watch this video of Kim Burrell singing with Richard Smallwood and Vision. A vocal master class!:
It’s Monday morning and everyone is talking about how their weekend went. 'Saturday, I went shopping'. 'Sunday, I cleaned the house'. 'Friday night I went to a party'. Then you always have the one person who proclaims, 'OMG! I totally got smashed last night. I totally had, like, 6 Long Island Ice-T’s and blacked out!' Everyone laughs hysterically. I'm usually the one not in on the joke. About three years ago, I was hit by a drunk driver so my tolerance for humour inspired by alcohol is very low, but that's not why I'm writing this blog. Somewhere along the line a memo went out saying that it's supercool to brag about being drunk.
As you may have guessed, I am not a drinker- for both moral as well as practical reasons. I don’t like the taste of alcohol or the effect it has on people who abuse it. I'm also capable of loosening up and having fun without the proverbial sauce, so I suppose this might be why I'm not capable of understanding the joy of chemically inducing tomfoolery. That being said, there are people who do drink and do not abuse the chemical, so this blog entry has nothing to do with them. My problem is with the people who boast about becoming drunk. The ones who assume that barfing all over their friend's leather coach is incredibly hilarious. Or that they don't remember being coated in honey and left naked on your front porch. Yep, these are all stories that I've had to sit through and pretend were funny.
Why would anyone boast about being drunk? What glory is there in temporarily losing ones faculties? Boasting about drunkenness, to me, makes as about much sense as boasting about the loss of bladder control or amnesia. Not to mention that public drunkenness never has been, and never will be attractive. Especially if you're over the age of 25...
Jennifer Lopez is one of the most overrated entertainers on the planet. By far. Punto final. Her dancing is mediocre at best; her singing voice is atrocious, and she hasn't had a good film role since Out of Sight. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Jennifer Lopez has been coasting on the success of her greatest asset. Her posterior.
Most of us became acquainted with Ms. Lopez's persistent mediocrity when she was a mere back-up dancer on the hit comedy show, In Living Color. When she realized she had exhausted her dancing talent she decided spread what little talent she had left into the film industry. I'll admit that she was pretty good as the slain Tejano singer, Selena. She was also half decent when she co-starred with George Clooney in Out of Sight. Sadly, her winning streak ended there. I haven't seen the woman in a decent movie since 1998.
Of course we cannot forget the J.Lo sound- I mean, even if we tried we wouldn't be able to. After the release of every blood-curdling recording we would all ask ourselves, when will she realize that she cannot sing? Well, I actually think she finally did realize that her vocal chops were lacking. She cut back on the warbling and decided to get into fashion. The horror! The horror!
Because Ms. Lopez is so tone deaf (both literally and figuratively) and self-absorbed, she decided- along with some other sadistic designer- that society couldn't get enough of her, so she created a clothing and fragrance line making it possible for everyone to look and even smell like her! The result? Some of the world's tackiest garb and stinkiest perfume; making even Britney Spears cringe. Yep, you now look and smell like the Bronx.
Many people will say that Jennifer Lopez is clearly talented because she is successful and popular, and that I'm being too harsh. But eating fried crickets with jasmine rice is popular in Thailand- does that make it right? Not necessarily. Talent is not forced or overdone. Jennifer Lopez, on the other hand, is forced and overdone. Talent should always speak for itself.
It appears that in addtion to Stephen Harper's stubborn refusal to spice up his look, he is also dictating his wife's wardrobe. Laureen Harper wore a boring "Conservative Party" navy blue suit to the G20 First Wives Dinner last night that I'm sure I saw on sale at the Bay three weeks ago. What a waste! She couldn't have gotten more than 5,000 HBC Reward points for it. Although, she could cash in those points for a totally rad Braun hand-held blender and really get her money's worth, but I digress....
I, and many others have often asked, where is our Obama?, but I think we all know by now that that's a lost cause, so the better question is, where is our Michelle? The US First Lady looked great and very stylish, as usual. It's at times like these that I begin to miss Mila Mulroney. Sure, her husband was a jerk and possibly even a felon, but her wardrobe was off the hook! I even find myself wishing Margaret Trudeau was still on the scene. Yeah, she definitely was and is insane in the membrane, but who cares? She had cute clothes and partied with Mick Jagger! She was a two for one combo!
Oh poor Laureen! How small and insignificant she must have felt amongst all that silk taffeta, colour and Swarovski crystal. Well, at least she's buying Canadian...
Michelle, Michelle, Michelle. You had to go and do it. You had to go and touch the Untouchable. You were already on thin ice with the whole sleeveless thing back home in the US which clearly demonstrated your propensity to 'flash' in public. Now, you've gone global with your deviant ways and molested the Queen of England. Oh Lord! What are we going to do with you, Michelle! Did you see the look on Her Majesty's face? She looked as if she had forgotten to wear her Depends! Just when we thought the US was beginning to normalize relations with its allies, you go and ruin it with such depraved behaviour. What's next, huh? Are you going to strip Vladmir Putin?
For more evidence of the latest offense in Michelle Obama's crime spree, take a look at this:
Doesn't Russian President Dmitry Medvedev look a lot American Idol judge Simon Cowell? It's uncanny! Although, Simon could definitely take some fashion tips from the Russian Head of State. Like getting rid of that unflattering buzz cut.
I have never been an animal person. I’ve never owned a pet, nor do I aspire to own one. I don’t think of myself as a person without feelings or compassion- I’m just not an animal person. Not only that, but I don’t really understand animal people. Most animal lovers will lay down their lives to bring awareness to any kind of animal suffering but will show complete indifference to the infinite human suffering taking place all over the world. I find that very strange.
I don’t think most dogs are cute; some are, but most are pretty ugly. I think that squirrels, chipmunks, gofers, beavers, skunks, hamsters, gerbils, rabbits and raccoons are all different names and/or aliases for rats; cats are sneaky; birds are pretty to look at, but not to take care of and reptiles all belong in their natural habitat, not the water-filled tank in your kitchen. When I tell people this, they tend to look at me like I just told them I had lunch with Adolf Hitler. I get the ‘you didn’t really have a childhood if you didn’t have a pet’ or ‘you don’t know what you’re missing’. Well, actually I had a great childhood and I do know what I’m missing. There’s nothing attractive about being the dreaded Cat Lady or having a dog that just licked it’s behind turn around and lick your face. Nor is it cool to have your house smelling like the Metro Zoo. Nevertheless, I don’t hate animals. I don’t support cruelty directed toward animals, nor do I subscribe to their exploitation. I’m just not into them- just like I’m not into liver and lima beans or extreme sports.
So, no, I don’t want to see a picture of your dog/cat/rat/pig. And no, I don’t care whether or not he caught a ball/Frisbee last weekend. I am not interested in petting your rabbit and I don’t feel like feeding your turtle. Oh and by the way, your puppy-wuppy looks ridiculous in that pink bonnet. No offense.
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